Solitude, Loneliness, Longing

From Selfhood Insufficiency to Alterity Intimacy

In my theory of biocognition I explore the emotional and psychological implications of aloneness as it relates to self-valuation, personal experience, and relationships.

I view solitude as a positive, self-directed state—a healthy companionship with oneself. I propose that how we treat ourself in solitude shapes our emotional reality. In this context, solitude is an intentional and constructive space where we can cultivate self-awareness, reflection, and inner peace. It’s about being alone without feeling diminished, emphasizing a sense of completeness and worthiness that doesn’t rely on external validation.

In contrast, loneliness is a negative state tied to what I call selfhood insufficiency."This occurs when we feel incomplete or unworthy, even when surrounded by others or loved by family and friends. Unlike solitude, loneliness stems from a perceived loss of worthiness rather than a physical absence of people. It’s not just about missing companionship (like after a loss or rejection); it’s a deeper internal disconnection where we becomes our own worst company. I further argue that while mourning is needed for physical loss, recovering worthiness is the remedy for loneliness.

In essence, I differentiate the two emotions by their source and impact: solitude is a chosen, enriching state of being alone with a strong sense of self, while loneliness is an unchosen, depleting state driven by a lack of self-worth, regardless of external circumstances. How we engage with ourself in solitude determines whether it remains a positive experience or slips into the pain of loneliness.

My perspective on longing, solitude, and loneliness offers a novel framework for understanding human connection and self-awareness. Longing—when it emerges from a place of resolved solitude—can be a natural and healthy drive toward what I call alterity intimacy, which I interpret as a deep, meaningful connection with others that respects their distinctness or "otherness." This implies a state where one is comfortable with oneself first, then seeks intimacy as an enhancement rather than a necessity.

Conversely, loneliness is "incomplete solitude." A condition where someone hasn’t fully come to terms with being alone, and instead looks outward for validation or fulfillment—a relief that only the self can ultimately provide. It’s a subtle but powerful distinction: solitude becomes a strength when embraced, while loneliness reflects a kind of inner unrest. Consequently, longing for alterity intimacy becomes a healthy human pursuit when we find serenity in our solitude.

The Path to Alterity Intimacy